Jessica Alba. What a doll.

My girlfriend HATES Jessica Alba now because once I said that she was "Perfect."

Look, no one is perfect. I'm pretty sure she's not perfect. I'm kind of fairly certain there is something wrong with her. I mean, I can't think of it right now. But if you give me a few days...

Ah, I know! The only thing wrong with Jessica Alba is that she would never talk to a guy like me.

Ya know, my girl had a DREAM about the guy from the Superman TV show but I get in trouble for saying Jessica Alba is hot? What the hell!

Whatever. I gotta tell it like it is. Look at Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba looks like Halle Berry if Halle Berry were perfect.

HA HA HA!

Now my girlfriend will hate me again. Okay. Reason I will never leave my girlfriend for Jessica Alba (besides the reason that Jessica Alba will never speak to me) is Ms. Alba can't cook like my girl.

Who is making me yummy French Toast? Who is whipping up a Sweet Potato Pie? NOT Jessica Alba, that's who!

Sex is great with my girl. But really, I have to eat 3 times a day. So you tell me what's more important!

And for all you guys who pick your girl based only on her beauty. Listen to me: looks fade... but meatloaf... that's forever.